The Challenges of Communication

My Mommy and I in Kigali. Just in time for Mother's Day. I LOVE YOU! 

This year I have been given the opportunity to travel to Rwanda to volunteer at Agahozo Shalom Youth Village. Based off of the model of Yemin Orde in Israel, Agahozo provides food, shelter, education, extracurricular programs and most importantly, family and love to 500 orphaned youth. The Village focuses on rehabilitating the youth and helping them tom envision a bright future for themselves. The students partake in Tikkun Halev and Tikkun Olam so they can begin the process of repairing their hearts and the world in a supportive and encouraging environment. While most of the students come from challenging, unthinkable and traumatic backgrounds, these students are some of the brightest, strong and most inspiring youth that I have ever encountered.

Aside from it being my job to directly engage with the students, I am compelled to form strong bonds with them. Upon my arrival to the Village, I was overcome with the challenge of communicating with the new students, the Enrichment Year class. Coming from rural areas al over Rwanda, many students did now know a word of English. This posed many questions for me: How do you communicate with someone when you don’t share a common language? Will I ever be able to communicate with these students? If I can’t verbally connect to these students, then how do I build strong, meaningful relationships with them? While I was terrified that I would never form these relationships with the students, my understanding of communication began to go through a pivotal transformation.

In the first week that the Enrichment Year students arrived, we divided into English groups to begin the process of English immersion (English is the official language of the Village). I was instructed to teach the beginner level. While I was initially jealous of my colleagues for working with more advanced English speakers, I soon learned that the lessons I would learn during this one week would positively inform the rest of my interactions in the Village. The first few days were a challenge. We started with the alphabet, numbers and greetings and even after a few days, many of the students in my class continue to struggle to grasp these basic concepts.

On Wednesday of that week I had a breakthrough that would make me think for months to come. While I was leaving to grab something in my room, one of my students, Yvette ran up to me. She opened her notebook and without speaking, pointed to a written message: “Hello. My name is Yvette. I want to tell you that because it is very nice to meet you and I love you. Please do not tell anyone in the Village.” I was blown away, not only by her English, but by the fact that she already felt a strong connection to me after only three days of knowing each other. Completely touched and overwhelmed, I began to spend more time thinking about how she could already feel so connected. Back at home, all of my relationships are founded in the ability to verbally communicate. Without this luxury, I wasn’t sure how relationships could exist. After contemplating this notion for over a month, I had a realization. I realized that there are a myriad of ways to connect that don’t include verbal communication: laughing, hugging, eating a meal together, holding hands, playing sports, sitting next to each other, and the list goes on.

While I still struggle to connect to everyone in the Village, this epiphany has changed the way that I view relationships. There is so much more nuance to relationships than being about to talk in the same language. And sometimes, the nonverbal forms of communication are more powerful than the verbal ones.

Since our English class, Yvette’s English has blossomed and so has our relationship. She has confided in me about her broken past and about her hopes for the future. Using her improved English, she wrote me this letter:

Dear Methal,

Hi my friend. It’s really long time without seeing you. I have miss you too much. Because you’re always in my mind and in my dreams.

I do hope that we shall meet one day. Know that mountain and hills don’t but people always do.

Yours Sincerely,

Yvette

I am so proud of her development and I continue to look forward to watching her grow. While we are able to communicate more fluidly through verbal interactions, I can’t forget that the foundation of our friendship is rooted in the rawest form of nonverbal love. Yvette is such a strong, extraordinary and inspiring young woman. I will always treasure the lessons that she has taught me about communication. The power of non-verbal communication is truly boundless. (An essay I wrote for a Jewish Service Corps forum.) 

Typical! Schmidt family eating breakfast in Kigali. 

Yoshi and I in my kitchen at Agahozo. 

My Dad and I in Kigali. 

A giraffe at Akagera National Park in the Eastern Province.