My First Wedding in Rwanda...And Maybe My Last

Me and Berthe (a grade coordinator that I live with in the Village). 

     On Saturday I attended my first ever Rwandan wedding. I woke up at 6:15 AM in order to get ready to get picked up at 7 AM. By 7:15 AM I was still waiting for my friend from the Village, Berthe, to pick me up. I called her and in her broken English I deciphered that she would arrive in 5 minutes. As is with language barriers, she wasn't to arrive that quickly. After waiting for 30 minutes, I decided to go back inside my house and rest until she called. It wasn't until 9 AM that she arrived. At that point I had lost interest in going to the wedding but decided that I should still go.
     The car seemed to be on its last string and I was scared that the car would break down on the way to Rwamagana. A car ride that should have taken 1 hour took us almost 2 hours since we had to go back into Kigali to pick up one of Berthe's friends that was late. Finally, at 10:45 we arrived. I entered a room full of Rwandese men and women. totally confused as to what was going on. The mayor and another woman were sitting at the front of the room looking over documents and requesting an oath from the bride and groom. I assume that they were doing the necessary paperwork to file for a civil marriage, but it was unclear since no one was able to translate to me.
     After the ceremony, everyone gathered outside to take pictures. Many people came up to me to take pictures with me, as the token white person. Tired and hungry, I was no amused by people being overwhelmed by a white person being present at the wedding (it gets to a point where being in every picture since your white gets to be really frustrating). Many Rwandan men tried to strike up a conversation with me, but I didn't have the energy to deal with their passes at me and their repetitive question asking. This continued throughout the day, eventually putting me in a bad mood at the end of the night.
     But back to the wedding...After the pictures we drove around Rwamagana. Our goal, still unclear to me. I asked Berthe when we would be eating because I was getting hungry. Not understanding my question, we went to a restaurant so that I could order food. First off, I didn't want to eat alone with loots of Rwandan men staring at me. Secondly, the restaurant didn't even have food! After getting drinks, we ended up going to Berthe's friend's house where we ate lunch. I didn't understand why she didn't just tell me that and we wouldn't have had to go out of our way for nothing. The food was definitely worth the wait though: peas (seasoned very well), rice (with spices!), squash, fries and a salad (which had beets!). It was very tasty! I couldn't eat that meal every day, twice a day, but it was good one time.

Beautiful view along the way to the wedding. 

     Once we were done eating, we drove to the bride's house for the introduction ceremony and dowry presentation. We drove for what seemed like forever on a bumpy dirt road. The views were absolutely incredible! I was awestruck at the beauty of rural Rwanda.

A decorated Akon bus. Buses like this are common in the
town of Nyamirambo in Kigali. 

     When we arrived at the house, the ceremony was not ready so I stood, waiting for an hour, taking in the beauty of being surrounded by banana trees and an open, blue sky. Finally the ceremony was ready! I walked into a tent with a woman, Angeline, who used to work at the Village. It was comforting to sit with someone who knew English and understood my life in the Village. She didn't translate word for word, but she translated general ideas. To my understanding, every wedding is the same: The bride's parents claim that the bride is not present. The groom requests, repeatedly, to marry the bride. After much negotiation the bride's parents accept. Maybe it's because I don't understand Kinyarwanda, but it seemed boring to me that every wedding be the exact same. Yet Rwandans find it funny every time.

Intore Dancing

    The highlights of the ceremony (four long hours long) was taking in the beauty of the wedding arrangements, watching intore dancing (traditional dancing), drinking a free beer, seeing two large cows (dowry) and talking to Angeline about sexual education in Rwanda. The sexual education conversation was really interesting. We talked about the availability of condoms, the use of birth control, the status of  circumcision, the prevalence of HIV/AIDS and different initiatives currently in place to spread knowledge on pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections in Rwanda.

Traditional Rwandan Clothing

    Speaking of progressive politics, towards the end of the ceremony, the elders mentioned me to the entire wedding audience to commend my work in breaking down gender roles. An elder even approached me at the end of the ceremony to thank me. Basically, before the ceremony, there were lots of crates of bottled beverages that needed to be carried a few feet into the bride's house. Unbeknown to me, the act of me, a woman, carrying a crate was revolutionary for Rwandan society. I didn't realize at the time that I was doing anything revolutionary. Once the elder confronted me, I apologized if I had insulted him or others in any way. He laughed and told me that it was good that I broke down gender roles and served as an example of what women are capable of doing. Breaking down gender roles everywhere I go! Such a trend setter!
     By the end of the day I was frustrated with not understanding the ceremony and being overwhelmed by Rwandan men feeling entitled to my number and that they can speak to me without understanding my social cues that say that I am not interested in talking.  I was happy that I had an opportunity to attend a Rwandan wedding ceremony, but I can't say that I will be frequenting the these ceremonies.